hello?

like strangers detatch

i really was not built in any way or form to be able to deal with people leaving or saying goodbyes. i'm ok with the time before the departure and i can deal with the time after, it's the actual moment itself when you think of everything you want to say and do/should have said and done/shouldn't say and do/shouldn't have said and done. TECHNICALLY, you're less likely to have to deal with the consequences of whatever as this'll be followed, inevitably, by a parting of ways.

i'm putting my brave face(s) aside.

i'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily

feeling oddly heavy hearted. possibly at the prospect of sending people off, followed by having to leave other behind myself. it COULD be that.

takes a lot more than red to paint this town

happy new year everyone. Who thought spending new years in a hospital room could be so beautiful?

and despite all the claims of "i've changed, i've grown, etc", it's prlly time to recognise that none of that has happened. 2009 was just another year like every other year before it :)

hello, hello. I take you on a trip

last night in d33

There's a long, long road to reach your house.

5718.74 km is the distance between the place that i've spent the better part of 18 years of my life and the place i've had to leave it for for my 19th. It's not TOO far. I mean certainly, it's not like it's walking distance, nor is it even close enough that i could go back on the weekends or anything like that. (not only is it not close enough, it's not affordable)

But i've felt very much, recently, that i am quite literally living in two worlds. Almost anything and everything that i can do here i can't and won't do there, and vice versa. There is almost no chance at all of me going cliffjumping back in PJ, nor would i be likely to stay out till the earlier hours of the morning without having to tell someone or other where i was. I probably wouldn't head out so much to spend time with a bunch of people, out of which i'd know say 5 out of 20 people and have to make friends with the rest. Or to use a real example, i would not attend an event knowing only one person and not the other 10, and yet i felt almost perfectly comfortable doing that here.

On the other hand, none of this has replaced the feeling of being at home.

I'd like to say i haven't change, and to a certain extent i believe i haven't. I'm still really careless, somewhat stupid, etc. But something feels diferent, and when i put my finger on it, i'll let you know. In fact, come up to me and ask me and we can have a long and meaningful conversation and hopefully come up with something at the end of it. I'm comprehending having to do this for the next 3 years. Using the word "comprehending" makes it sound like i see it's going to be a struggle, and sure, some parts are gonna be, but i intend on enjoying it.

On another note, i realise i haven't mentioned ANYTHING about the cliffjumping and dude, tis truly an amazing experience. You're not just gripped by fear when you're up there, it's a whole maelstrom of emotions and it's just such a sensation actually jumping off the cliff before THWACKING the water. If you land nicely, then good for you :) if anyone heads here in summer, i'll rent a car and take you there myself.

AND so frenchy so chic was absolutely just wow :) SO GOOOOD!