friends leaving 1 by 1
3 days ago
Monday, December 7, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
There's a long, long road to reach your house.
5718.74 km is the distance between the place that i've spent the better part of 18 years of my life and the place i've had to leave it for for my 19th. It's not TOO far. I mean certainly, it's not like it's walking distance, nor is it even close enough that i could go back on the weekends or anything like that. (not only is it not close enough, it's not affordable)
But i've felt very much, recently, that i am quite literally living in two worlds. Almost anything and everything that i can do here i can't and won't do there, and vice versa. There is almost no chance at all of me going cliffjumping back in PJ, nor would i be likely to stay out till the earlier hours of the morning without having to tell someone or other where i was. I probably wouldn't head out so much to spend time with a bunch of people, out of which i'd know say 5 out of 20 people and have to make friends with the rest. Or to use a real example, i would not attend an event knowing only one person and not the other 10, and yet i felt almost perfectly comfortable doing that here.
On the other hand, none of this has replaced the feeling of being at home.
I'd like to say i haven't change, and to a certain extent i believe i haven't. I'm still really careless, somewhat stupid, etc. But something feels diferent, and when i put my finger on it, i'll let you know. In fact, come up to me and ask me and we can have a long and meaningful conversation and hopefully come up with something at the end of it. I'm comprehending having to do this for the next 3 years. Using the word "comprehending" makes it sound like i see it's going to be a struggle, and sure, some parts are gonna be, but i intend on enjoying it.
On another note, i realise i haven't mentioned ANYTHING about the cliffjumping and dude, tis truly an amazing experience. You're not just gripped by fear when you're up there, it's a whole maelstrom of emotions and it's just such a sensation actually jumping off the cliff before THWACKING the water. If you land nicely, then good for you :) if anyone heads here in summer, i'll rent a car and take you there myself.
AND so frenchy so chic was absolutely just wow :) SO GOOOOD!
But i've felt very much, recently, that i am quite literally living in two worlds. Almost anything and everything that i can do here i can't and won't do there, and vice versa. There is almost no chance at all of me going cliffjumping back in PJ, nor would i be likely to stay out till the earlier hours of the morning without having to tell someone or other where i was. I probably wouldn't head out so much to spend time with a bunch of people, out of which i'd know say 5 out of 20 people and have to make friends with the rest. Or to use a real example, i would not attend an event knowing only one person and not the other 10, and yet i felt almost perfectly comfortable doing that here.
On the other hand, none of this has replaced the feeling of being at home.
I'd like to say i haven't change, and to a certain extent i believe i haven't. I'm still really careless, somewhat stupid, etc. But something feels diferent, and when i put my finger on it, i'll let you know. In fact, come up to me and ask me and we can have a long and meaningful conversation and hopefully come up with something at the end of it. I'm comprehending having to do this for the next 3 years. Using the word "comprehending" makes it sound like i see it's going to be a struggle, and sure, some parts are gonna be, but i intend on enjoying it.
On another note, i realise i haven't mentioned ANYTHING about the cliffjumping and dude, tis truly an amazing experience. You're not just gripped by fear when you're up there, it's a whole maelstrom of emotions and it's just such a sensation actually jumping off the cliff before THWACKING the water. If you land nicely, then good for you :) if anyone heads here in summer, i'll rent a car and take you there myself.
AND so frenchy so chic was absolutely just wow :) SO GOOOOD!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
when you and i collapsed in love
i think it's the heat that's making me tired. And it's the lethargy that's making me lose all inhibitions. I just don't have the energy to conduct myself in a way that's socially appropriate anymore, and so i'm sorry! not really, but well. yea.
and i'm officially done with my first year of uni lectures. well i was done last friday :) nevertheless, i guess it's an achievement of sorts? I don't feel smarter. Different, yes.
and i'm officially done with my first year of uni lectures. well i was done last friday :) nevertheless, i guess it's an achievement of sorts? I don't feel smarter. Different, yes.
Monday, October 26, 2009
why don't you sit right down and make me smile
Just thought i'd try something new. In a funny mood anyhow, might as well indulge.
Been having a good couple of days, beach with the stinky and lockwood on friday. Supposed to have been studying, but really ended up just kinda fooling around and lazing about on the semi-sunny beach. The weather was definitely less than perfect on saturday for a day at Moana, but we spent a lot of the time convincing ourselves that what really mattered was the company. And so eventhough it was freeeezing, there were no real waves for the surfers to surf and a wet football hurts, it was a good day cos of the company :) No really, it was. Came back completely wiped out though, barely enough energy to get myself cleaned up and all for bed. But i did it somehow...even managing to sneak in a couple of paragraphs into my learning issue. All paragraphs produced were only written due to a severe sense of guilt. I get the feeling that i'd get very lil work done if not for that wonderful sensation.
It's really quite a happifying thing have the last and first conversation with the same person on both ends of sleep. Something really pleasant about it. But i'd reckon it also depends on who the person is. If it's someone you just really don't wanna hear from, well then...i'm guessing it won't make you happy.
Meh, feeling somewhat oddly tense right now. I really don't like people telling other people things on my behalf, particularly when i deliberately decided not to disclose the information in the first place. Goodness, i'm perfectly capable of telling whoever i want whatever i want whenever i want without someone doing it for me.
Hmm, found a cornflake in my hoodie pocket.
Been having a good couple of days, beach with the stinky and lockwood on friday. Supposed to have been studying, but really ended up just kinda fooling around and lazing about on the semi-sunny beach. The weather was definitely less than perfect on saturday for a day at Moana, but we spent a lot of the time convincing ourselves that what really mattered was the company. And so eventhough it was freeeezing, there were no real waves for the surfers to surf and a wet football hurts, it was a good day cos of the company :) No really, it was. Came back completely wiped out though, barely enough energy to get myself cleaned up and all for bed. But i did it somehow...even managing to sneak in a couple of paragraphs into my learning issue. All paragraphs produced were only written due to a severe sense of guilt. I get the feeling that i'd get very lil work done if not for that wonderful sensation.
It's really quite a happifying thing have the last and first conversation with the same person on both ends of sleep. Something really pleasant about it. But i'd reckon it also depends on who the person is. If it's someone you just really don't wanna hear from, well then...i'm guessing it won't make you happy.
Meh, feeling somewhat oddly tense right now. I really don't like people telling other people things on my behalf, particularly when i deliberately decided not to disclose the information in the first place. Goodness, i'm perfectly capable of telling whoever i want whatever i want whenever i want without someone doing it for me.
Hmm, found a cornflake in my hoodie pocket.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer
I always enjoy being a Lee. An integral part of being one of us (we're like the mafia, you see) is the associated stubborness and pride. And the knowledge that we are right and you are wrong. Always.
Friday, October 9, 2009
look left and look right. cross the road. hold my hand.
Today, was by all means, a good day.
Got a good night's sleep. Vacuumed my room (it's clean, finally!). Good hair day :) Retail therapy at it's best at salvos and church op shop; 3 dresses, a pair of trousers, one pair of the wickedest dark green leather shoes for about 20 dollars. Was bouncing about for most of the day quite happily. Oh and the church's op shop has the best changing room ever. In fact, anyone who comes visit me now will be made to stop by the shop just to see the dressing room. If it's my sis who comes down, i know she'll want a look around the place as well. You others might not be quite so happy to do so.
Nevertheless, the effects seem to have worn off somewhat and who can say why(?) without taking on the persona of some pretentious peanut who would tell me that the satisfaction and joy that comes from shopping is temporary cos it's shallow and whatnot. Unless you can think of something else to say...i'm sure you can finish the cliche yourself.
How angry and adolescent do i sound? And to an imaginary statement that an imaginary person MIGHT have come up with. Hmm. I AM feeling some resentment towards a non-imaginary person. Why? I can't quite say. Not cos i'm trying to spare anyone's feelings or anything. I just honestly can't quite put my finger on it. I just know that you make what i do and how i feel seem so petty and i don't know how you do it, but i'd like to learn. I don't think this should only go one way.
Hokay, I'd like to blame the way that i am right now on the fact that i'm tired. And so i will. I am the way i am right now because i'm tired. It's too much effort pretending to be perky and happy to an empty room. No one will appreciate it so i'll save it for when i need it.
Off to try put myself in the right disposition to sleep. i.e. happy enough to be at ease, but not so that i push past the ease into crazy "WOOHOOO LET'S DO SOMETHING" mode. It's a fine line at this point.
And really, i'm not as angry as i sound. Or maybe i am, i can't quite tell myself. But it's nothing to worry about :)
Oh, and i love the straightforwardness of the question "what do you want?"
And how i'm never able to get away with making excuses with you. Somehow, you make it impossible.
Got a good night's sleep. Vacuumed my room (it's clean, finally!). Good hair day :) Retail therapy at it's best at salvos and church op shop; 3 dresses, a pair of trousers, one pair of the wickedest dark green leather shoes for about 20 dollars. Was bouncing about for most of the day quite happily. Oh and the church's op shop has the best changing room ever. In fact, anyone who comes visit me now will be made to stop by the shop just to see the dressing room. If it's my sis who comes down, i know she'll want a look around the place as well. You others might not be quite so happy to do so.
Nevertheless, the effects seem to have worn off somewhat and who can say why(?) without taking on the persona of some pretentious peanut who would tell me that the satisfaction and joy that comes from shopping is temporary cos it's shallow and whatnot. Unless you can think of something else to say...i'm sure you can finish the cliche yourself.
How angry and adolescent do i sound? And to an imaginary statement that an imaginary person MIGHT have come up with. Hmm. I AM feeling some resentment towards a non-imaginary person. Why? I can't quite say. Not cos i'm trying to spare anyone's feelings or anything. I just honestly can't quite put my finger on it. I just know that you make what i do and how i feel seem so petty and i don't know how you do it, but i'd like to learn. I don't think this should only go one way.
Hokay, I'd like to blame the way that i am right now on the fact that i'm tired. And so i will. I am the way i am right now because i'm tired. It's too much effort pretending to be perky and happy to an empty room. No one will appreciate it so i'll save it for when i need it.
Off to try put myself in the right disposition to sleep. i.e. happy enough to be at ease, but not so that i push past the ease into crazy "WOOHOOO LET'S DO SOMETHING" mode. It's a fine line at this point.
And really, i'm not as angry as i sound. Or maybe i am, i can't quite tell myself. But it's nothing to worry about :)
Oh, and i love the straightforwardness of the question "what do you want?"
And how i'm never able to get away with making excuses with you. Somehow, you make it impossible.
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